I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Shame is for Republicans.
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