dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
True strength comes from lack of pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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