I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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