Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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