he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
