I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
