we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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