we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
