I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
