I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
