Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
