i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
