how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
