I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
