fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
