i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
