I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
