Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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