its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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