i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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