hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
