True but thats because hes a fetus.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
