hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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