he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
