before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
