we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
