If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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