Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
