one might say we're banned from that church
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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