apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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