What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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