Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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