Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
