Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
