I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
