I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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