A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
