You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
