i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This baby is an asshole
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
