party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
two words...techno handjob
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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