he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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