that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
operation harelip BJ is a go
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
