Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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