Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
