You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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