Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
