9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
