I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
