he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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