her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
