She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
