I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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