I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
