dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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