dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
