Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize