we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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