watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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