Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
