the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
