Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
