Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im holly from the hills drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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