the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
