i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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