She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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