I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
