I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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