I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
