I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize