Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Welp...herpes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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