I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
