I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
