found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
