i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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