Duck Duck Cougar?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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