No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
