When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
